Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
