dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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