we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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