I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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