I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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