I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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