don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
