my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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