i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
