I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
