My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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