then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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