Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Randomize
