we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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