just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize