I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
