and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
