dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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