I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
