I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
