We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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