I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Less talking, more tequila
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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