Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
