I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
