I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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