Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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