I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
