I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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