i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
