Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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