I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize