Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
