I'm gonna have a badass scar
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
