i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
