is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
ttyl tear gas
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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