He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
