i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
