Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I am spending my child support on dildos
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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