I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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