did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
