Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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