I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
