she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
