so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
