A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
