that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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