if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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