she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
