I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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