I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
