Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
