she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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