enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
