a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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