I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
