Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
