Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
