I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just blew my weed a kiss
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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