Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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