I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
