What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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