No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize