if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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