Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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