His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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