if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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