Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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