As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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