I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
