I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
