Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
