why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
