Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
zippers are such a cool invention
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
