On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
