that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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