Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
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