Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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