Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
