I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
