Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
