Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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