what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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