put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
