the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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