My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize