I wanna bring you to show and tell
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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