I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
