took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
