yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
