Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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