is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
