North Korea, Best Korea!
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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