You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
