Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
