They should really pass out barf bags in church
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
