he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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