Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
