I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
