those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
