Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
