i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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