Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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