i was born a porn star she said
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
