plz talk dirty to me
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
