Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
