God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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