also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
